Considering ... Culture vs Commandments, Wed/Thu 10/12-13/16

This topic is taken from excerpts from a book by Brent and Wendy Top titled "Finding Inner Peace: Lessons Learned from Trying too Hard":

Brent L. Top and Wendy C. Top share deeply personal experiences about how trying to live the "cultural gospel" took a serious toll on Wendy and the entire family as she suffered a breakdown and battled clinical depression. They write:

As Wendy began to evaluate the cause of her pain and exhaustion, she realized that there are two main standards we often set up for ourselves in the Church—the Lord’s standard and a social standard. One day, she made a list of the Lord’s commandments. In a second column next to each one, she then wrote the more stringent interpretations that had evolved in Mormon culture. Perhaps they had come about in the same way as the well-intended “fences” that had grown around the law of Moses among the scribes and Pharisees. In order to avoid breaking any commandment, they prescribed a set of more particular, more strict observances that would keep them from even coming near to violating the law, and that enabled them to demonstrate a supposedly greater faithfulness than what was required in keeping a particular commandment. In their zealousness, however, they often became obsessed with the letter of these lesser laws while overlooking and offending the spirit of the original law. Worst of all, they set up such performances as the standard of righteousness, judging others unrighteously. A good example was their blasphemous attempt to condemn Jesus Christ for healing a man on the Sabbath (see Luke 6:7).

To a lesser extent, many fall into the trap of fences today. We may be well-meaning in our attempts to be “super-faithful,” but when these higher standards we have created for ourselves—which the Lord doesn’t necessarily require—are used to judge ourselves or others unrighteously, they become stumbling blocks rather than stepping stones.

For example, the first commandment on Wendy’s list was the commandment to “multiply and replenish the earth.” In our society, this seems to be popularly interpreted to mean that every couple should have a big family. A few well-meaning members of the Church (always those who had been blessed with the ability, health, and energy to have and rear many children) had kindly pointing out our deficiency in this area. This cultural expectation—whether merely subtly felt or openly expressed—was dependent to a large degree on where we lived. For example, when we lived on the East Coast of the United States, many people—both Church members and those not of our faith—were amazed that Wendy was able to accomplish so much with so many kids. When we moved back to Utah, our previous large family suddenly became a small family. In this cultural context, we felt like we weren’t measuring up because we had only four children. Wendy believed she really must have more children in order to spiritually measure up to some perceived quantitative standard for mothers in Zion, even though she already felt that she had reached her emotional capacity. We wanted to be faithful, and so we were trying to have another baby at the time Wendy had her breakdown.

Another example she listed was the Word of Wisdom. A few basic health laws are laid out in the revelation recorded in section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants, but it seems many are trying to add fences to these. Some have tried to suggest that eating white bread or refined white sugar is a violation of the Word of Wisdom. Others would add chocolate to the list of no-nos. Cola drinks are the most notorious and controversial; while drinking them may not be wise, it has not been defined as a sin. Yet, Wendy had spent years stressed out over a family member’s (not one of her children) tendency to partake of this supposedly forbidden substance. She even spent time nagging him about it, thinking his salvation was in jeopardy and worrying that others might be led astray by his “bad” example. This attitude disrupted the harmony of the home much more than cola drinking did, and surely the greater sin was hers.

We are also commanded to serve and do our duty in the Church—to magnify our callings. In their zealousness, many have interpreted this to mean that we must never turn down any calling or ask to be released from one at any time. This was the standard Wendy felt she must measure up to when she was serving as Primary president and as the tired, stressed-out mother of three children under the age of three. Things were falling apart at home, yet she continually accepted additional assignments, thinking she must be faithful. Worst of all, she kept forgetting our new baby. Her life was so busy and stress-filled that she would forget and leave the baby at the meetinghouse or other places. That’s not all: the baby looked as if she were newly released from a concentration camp because Wendy seldom had time to make sure she drank her entire bottle. When our marriage finally began to suffer under the constant strain, Wendy prayed one night that the Lord would let the bishop know if she should be released because she didn’t dare ask him herself. The next day the bishop told her, “I’ve been feeling lately like I ought to release you.” Mercifully, the Lord didn’t expect her to hold on to the calling at all costs; she only thought He did because others said He did.

Today's q/q: Do you sometimes feel you are living rules and regulations beyond the basic tenets of your faith? Do you live a "cultural" gospel instead of a faith-based gospel? If so, what can you do to change?