Considering ... Messaging, Tue/Wed 9/6-7/2016

Many organized religion have specific rules of conduct in order to remain in good standing in the faith. In the LDS church it is much the same. There is a manual, guidebook if you will, called the Handbook of Instruction with instructions to priesthood leaders about how to handle virtually any situation that may come up with the members. I think the larger an organization becomes the more such guidelines are relied upon, many times more or less ignoring the promptings of the spirit. Priesthood leaders are instructed to rely upon the promptings of the spirit, but being mortal, fallible men, leaders often rely more upon the Handbook than the spirit. A case in point, which inspired this topic, was an article by Elizabeth Smart who was abducted when she was 13 years old and raped over and over during the years she was in captivity. Since her rescue she has been an advocate for abused women. Here are some extracts from the article:

Recently, in an interview with Broadly, Elizabeth Smart shared some of the unintentional but devastating and potentially crippling side effects that can result from the way Mormon culture addresses chastity.

"I think the power of faith is amazing, the hope and the healing that it can bring to people," Elizabeth Smart said in the interview, crediting her LDS faith for helping her survive and overcome the nightmare of her abduction.

"But I also think there's another side of it that can be potentially very harmful, especially when a lot of religions teach that sexual relations are meant for marriage... It's so stressed that, girls in particular, tie their worth to their virginity, or, for lack of a better word, purity."

And Elizabeth Smart had been one of those girls.

"I did make that promise to myself that I was going to wait until marriage before I had sex... Well, then I was kidnapped and I was raped, and one of the first thoughts I had was, 'No one is ever going to want to marry me now: I'm worthless, I'm filthy, I'm dirty.' I think every rape survivor feels those same feelings, but having that with the pressure of faith compounded on top—it was almost crippling."

It was right after this experience that Smart recalled a lesson she had as a young woman, in which she was told, "You're like this stick of gum, and if you have sex before you're married, it's like someone chews up that piece of gum, and then when you're done, who wants a piece of gum that's already chewed up? No one."

While the intention of the lesson was to teach uplifting, eternal values, the overall message failed to communicate that she was a daughter of loving Heavenly Parents who would love and want her, no matter what.

Even after her rescue, Smart sat through another such lesson, in which she was told: "You're like this beautiful fence, and you hammer these nails in, and then every time you have sex with someone else, it's like you're hammering in another nail. And you can take them out, you can repent of them, but the holes are still there."

"I just remember thinking, This is terrible," Smart shares. "Do they not realize I'm sitting in class? Do they not realize that I'm listening to what they're saying?"

And Elizabeth Smart wasn't the only girl who could have been harmed during such lessons. One in five women report experiencing rape at some point in their lives, while 1.4% of men report experiencing rape—not to mention the fact that many rapes go unreported. Then there are countless others who have made mistakes and can't escape the guilt or shame these analogies can cause, even after they have repented.

These brothers and sisters sit next to us every week in Sunday School classes. They overhear our conversations. They already endure recurring triggers that remind them of the pain of their experience. It's important as disciples of our Savior that we do not add to their pain but, instead, help them find hope and a greater sense of worth.

"The way we talk about [sex and abstinence] needs to change," Elizabeth Smart said. "People need to realize there is nothing that can detract from your worth. When it comes to rape and sexual violence and abuse, that can never detract from who you are."

Today's q/q: Do you feel there is an overemphasis on "following the rules" rather than "following the spirit"? Why or why not?

Absolutely, Holly. Rape is NOT sex; it is violence. However victims of rape because of teachings of their faith can feel tremendous guilt about being raped - unfounded guilt, but guilt none-the-less.

For me, although the article was talking about the guilt associated with rape and other sexual crimes, it triggered in me memories of "letter of the law" vs. "spirit of the law". There are members of the LDS church who go to the Bishop about every little sin. Bishops are mortal men with their own fallibilities. Sometimes, as Bishops, they can apply the spirit of the law to a situation, and sometimes they have to rely upon the Handbook of Instructions. Really, one function of a Bishop is to help members get through tough periods of their lives. He has access to resources for counselling, family services, church welfare, etc. that he can bring to bear to help members repent and get their lives right with the Lord. If a member can repent of sin on their own through prayer, scripture study, and making personal changes then the help of the Bishop is not required. I have a real problem with confession of most sins to another human being, even a priesthood leader, when the spirit can help the person even more if he/she is open to it. The Handbook of Instructions lays out a scripted solution to most problems a member will encounter, but really it is the spirit that heals. I guess that is why some have a problem with organized religion. All the rules and regulations can be overwhelming and really shouldn't be necessary if people are living by the spirit. I guess I see one point of organized religion is to help people with problems in their lives who are not spiritually sensitive, but for me it is much more than that. It provides a community of like-minded people to fellowship and support one another the Lord's way.

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